~ UnDeR mY sKiN ~

Monday, 31 January 2005

~ so last sat i went out to party and learnt that... ~

I'm not just a fun drunk but a sleepy one too! put me in a moving car when i'm wasted, and i'll be dead to the world in all of 2 secs.

my throat's awfully strepped now from all that toxic liquid and shouting like a deranged groupie but i have no regrets. it means i had a swell nite... this pleasurable pain is akin to muscle aches u get after a good workout, like, the muscles ache like hell but u noe they're achnig bcuz u've worked them good and u feel good bout that.

posted by: darkscarlette at January 31, 2005 15:37 | link | comments |

~ 2 fris ago when i went out to party... ~

i was inconsolably upset. most times, i'm able to say to hell with the world, throw myself into the mo, and have fun. but that nite, i just cldn't seem to pull myself out of that hole. and u noe how sometimes, when u're upset and u drink... it just gets worse.

so Fender and i were at our fav couch in the club with the usual MEMBERS. Fender was hungry so he went to the Reading Room Cafe opposite to order some Fish & Chips for dinner. i told him to go ahead and go up first, call me when the food's redi. and so i stayed on in the club and continued to intoxicate myself.

10mins later, my mobile goes off. food's redi! come up and join me! Ok i say, i'm on my way.

wasted, i walked out of the club, where there was some major league soccer match showing on the huge tv screen outside and therefore resulting in many many guys gathered outside the club's doors. i confidently strutted straight past em and reached the door to The Reading Room.

somewhere at the back of my head, my stoned brain vaguely registered that something was... quite.. not right. The door to The Reading Room was always kept open - but it was closed. and it looked strangely dark behind the door. an A4 sized notice was stuck on the door, but the text printed on it appeared as such a hazy blob of twigglies that i cldn't make out a single alphabet.

too wasted to bother, so i opened the unlocked door and went up the staircase, only to find it dim and unlit... and then i reached the main door to The Reading Room and opened another unlocked door and stepped in... only to be plunged into total darkness and eerie silence.

i kinda freaked out. managed to get myself out of there, and then blasted Fender on the hp for not informing me that The Reading Room had moved. i was a total tyrant. i found the correct entrance, STOMPED loudly up the wooden staircase and threw a major tantrum when i finally found him at the correct location. at the table, i stabbed LOUDLY at my food, CLINKED the utensils against each other and radiated such an air of GROUCH dat all the waitresses stayed far away and watched me from a distance.

i was unreasonable and blew up bcuz i was in essence, feeling so embarrassed bcuz my sloshed brain was telling me that the whole world knew that the old location of The Reading Room was deserted and they were all laughing at me for being such a sloshed ninny. it really wasn't Fender's fault but my own. had i been unwasted enuf to make the effort to READ the bloody notice, i wld've known that The Reading Room had shifted to the area directly on top of the club. but nooooo... i cldn't read it, didn't read it, was too smart to read it... and on sober hindsight, everyone was so engrossed in the soccer game that obviously noone would've given a frigging hoot but u see, that's wat alcohol does to u sometimes hehe.

posted by: livingde8ddoll at January 31, 2005 15:15 | link | comments |

Saturday, 29 January 2005

~ whoopeee a headache! ~

i have a stinking hangover this morning. and i have to come in to work today so that i won't have to suffer another stinking hangover next sat morning when i got out to party with mah sistas on fri nite. i work alt sats. and this sucks. i'm gonna get a job with a 5 day week. i'm hungry. so i'm gonna go down and grab a bite to quell my queasy tummy. and i swear i will combust now if someone lights me with a match.

but i had so much fun last nite. woot!

posted by: darkscarlette at January 29, 2005 10:16 | link | comments (1) |

Friday, 28 January 2005

~ D is for Drained and Dry... ~

i woke up so tired this morning... felt like a dried out sponge drained of water... so dry i'm crumbling at the edges...

somebody soak me in JD plssssss............

posted by: livingde8ddoll at January 28, 2005 10:36 | link | comments (2) |

Wednesday, 26 January 2005

~ In The Shadows ~

These are bleak days... i dunno why... well that's the way i've been feeling anyway. i dun necessarily noe what i feel bleak bout... it's like this bleak moody cloud just decided to hover above my head and i can't seem to step out of its bleak shadow.

maybe i'm just feeling tired.

or maybe i'm just not spending enuf time with my good fren jack. but in this mood, spending time with jack at home would probably make me feel bleaker and descend so low into depression i'd have a hard time crawling out. the last couple of times i drank, i either flew into a pissy rage and got angry with the whole world, or ended up bawling my eyes out for no apparent reason except that i felt suddenly plunged into inconsolable sadness.

perhaps i'm subconsciously in some sort of mourning... mourning for times past and chapters closed... somewhat losing pple i love and forcibly moving on... and i dun think i'm very good at adjusting to change. ultimately i do adapt... it just takes time.

posted by: livingde8ddoll at January 26, 2005 15:44 | link | comments (1) |

~ Think u're having a bad day? ~

1) Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest, while assessing the damage done by forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and facemask. A post-mortem revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification.

Investigators then set about to determine how a fully-clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.

You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

2) Just remember, it could be worse... The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.

A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

3) A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.

Until that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

4) Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.

The two hapless protesters were trampled to death.

5) Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

posted by: livingde8ddoll at January 26, 2005 11:29 | link | comments (1) |

Monday, 24 January 2005

~ no man is an island ~

It's neva wise to build ur world around one person, to allow urself to depend on that one person for ur happiness... cuz u're only setting urself up for a major fall. After a while, u realize u've become a close-minded peanut... u lose ur own will... always bending instead to the will of ur partner.

U become an absolutely pathethic worm. U neglect ur frens for the sake of that one person. Before u noe it, u've become addicted to ur partner, and u become too dependent on the one, and so continues the vicious cycle.

A long time ago, I learned the hard way when I hinged my happiness on one person. But I was fortunate enough to have gurlfrens who stood by me nonetheless. When my world crumbled, they helped me up again.

I value my independence and self-worth too much to let it happen again – I dunno wat's up in the future... but I'm sure as hell making the effort to prevent it. My close gurlfrens are so impt to me. I cherish them dearly, bcuz true frens are hard to find.

With everyone having their own commitments and priorities, it sometimes feels very trying but the glue must hold. These precious bonds, borne out of heart-to-heart talks over JD in the OtherSide are priceless and unique.

These days I stand my ground a lot, sometimes, too much. Much as I love my man to bits, I want my life, my independence. I'm much stronger now, and yet, being a woman, I can still be an emotional idiot. And while I remind myself constantly to stay strong, I pray that my gurlfrens dun fall prey to becoming ‘dependants'.

Bcuz u noe, at the end of the day, men will be men – enuf said.

posted by: psyche at January 24, 2005 16:32 | link | comments (1) |

~ Change ~

These days, i feel a certain melancholy bout life. my childhood gurlfren whom i've grown up with since 10 yrs old is moving today. we were schoolbus mates at 10... attending the same primary school and living on adjacent streets, classmates at 12, at 13 her family shifted to another town, at 14 my family shifted to the same town.... we've been living 5mins away from each other for bout a decade now.

but today, her family's shifting again to another town some 25mins away. oh i noe it's not like she's migrating miles away to another country or anything like dat but still, i feel sad u noe. since we both entered the working world, we've gone our own ways and built rather different lives for ourselves... but nonetheless, we shared a huge chunk of our teenage yrs together, growing up together thru pimply horny adolescent boys and most of the time, her bailing me out of trouble with my folks.

we met up last nite, but it was late and we were both tired and didn't have much time to talk... and it wasn't till we hugged and said our goodbyes at the lift landing that it suddenly hit me big time that this would be the last time we spent time chilling out at my place like the way we used to. i felt heavy hearted as i walked away.

we've known each other so long that we take us for granted. i wonder at how i can make the effort to travel miles downtown to meet her or some other frens, but not walk 5 mins to go chill out at her place. yeah i admit i dun like chilling at her place esp when her folks are in - not cuz i dun like em, they're really nice to me actually, but bcuz her mum loves to scream at her regardless of what visitors are present, and it makes me feel really uncomfy although it's not me the mum's shrieking at. i've told her this b4 and fortunately she understands... though that still doesn't explain why i'm still too lazy to go over to her place to chill even when her folks weren't around. hur hur.

i noe that life is all bout CHANGE. but someimes, i dun like change very much. i noe that people change. pple come and go. pple meet new pple and pple move on and life goes on. but i still find it hard to adapt sometimes. i bond too readily with pple i love and den when things change or when we're no longer as close, i feel hurt. there're some pple u grow to love dearly, and make sacrifices for, and u dun want them to go. but it's their lives really... not urs.

if u think bout it, nothing in life really belongs to u. life is about impermanance. and it's always painful when u lose something or someone u let urself get too attached to. sometimes, i think of it this way and in the name of self-preservation, put up an invisible wall so that i dun allow myself to get too attached to something or someone. but when i do that.... i realise that i can't FEEL very much... i'm cheated out of living in the moment fully and that sucks too. damn.

posted by: darkscarlette at January 24, 2005 11:16 | link | comments |

Thursday, 20 January 2005

~ yay more excuses to sleep longer... r.i.t.e. ~

Stay Thin by Sleeping More?

Mon Jan 10, 4:00 PM ET

"We've put so much emphasis on diet and exercise that we've failed to recognize the value of good sleep," said Fred Turek, a physician at Northwestern University.

"In fact society emphasizes just the opposite," in work places where billed hours are crucial and long work days are common, he added.

Monday's study from Eastern Virginia Medical School in Norfolk covered 1,000 people and found that total sleep time decreased as body mass index -- a measure of weight based on height -- increased.

Men slept an average of 27 minutes less than women and overweight and obese patients slept less than patients with normal weights, it said. In general the fatter subjects slept about 1.8 hours a week less than those with normal weights.

"Americans experience insufficient sleep and corpulent bodies. Clinicians are aware of the burden of obesity on patients," the study said.

AN EXTRA 20 MINUTES

"Our findings suggest that major extensions of sleep time may not be necessary, as an extra 20 minutes of sleep per night seems to be associated with a lower body mass index," it added.

The study was published in the Archives of Internal Medicine along with an editorial by Turek and Northwestern colleague Joseph Bass commenting on it and related research.

posted by: mystiqc at January 20, 2005 11:32 | link | comments (2) |

Tuesday, 18 January 2005

~ Just A Girl ... bleh!! ~

Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I'm exposed
And it's no big surprise
Don't you think I know
Exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me
To hold your hand
'Cause I'm just a girl, little 'ol me
Don't let me out of your sight
I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights

Oh...I've had it up to here!
The moment that I step outside
So many reasons
For me to run and hide
I can't do the little things I hold so dear
'Cause it's all those little things
That I fear

'Cause I'm just a girl I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drive
Late at night I'm just a girl,
Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes

I'm just a girl,
Take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype

Oh...I've had it up to here!
Oh...am I making myself clear?
I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl in the world...
That's all that you'll let me be!
I'm just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb
Makes me worry some

I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?
What I've succumbed to Is making me numb
I'm just a girl, my apologies
What I've become is so burdensome
I'm just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there's no comparison

Oh...I've had it up to!
Oh...I've had it up to!!
Oh...I've had it up to here!

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